Growing up Indigo - D98S9
I often look back at my childhood and my teen years and wonder what I should have done to make my life more fulfilling than it was. I seemed to have spent so much of my time not knowing what my purpose was, and not going in any particular direction at all. At the same time, I was so conscious about so many things.
I blamed my mother for everything that didn't turn out the way it should have. She provided me with no guidance, and refused to talk to me about how I felt. She simply didn't want to deal with me. I blamed her also for not caring as much as I tried to get her to understand that she should have.
I would often think about my childhood and wonder at how different I was before seeing the video on Akiane and her genius in binary painting and poetry. Watching that video changed something inside me, and I immediately knew that I was Indigo. I watched several other videos on Indigo Children, as well as interviews and listened to these children tell my story. I am amazed and facinated, and wish that I could find real people to talk to.
I was walking by 9 months old and was reading by the age of 2. My favorite book at that time was called "Science For You" an elementary school text book that my mother got from a school closing. I read the book over and over again until my oldest brothers hid it from me. They felt I was too attached to it. I was speaking in sentences before I turned a year old. My mom told me once that at 10 months old, I told her clearly "Mommy, don't buy that dress, by this dress, it's pretty" in a department store. Everyone thought I must have been a midget because I was so small and talking. I remember being conscious and aware at 2 years old. I also remember feeling as if I just didn't belong. I felt like I should have been somewhere else. Because of this, I spent most of my time outside alone. I would wake up hours before everyone else, often at 5 am, and go outside alone. I don't remember ever getting in trouble for doing that... a product of my parent's neglectfulness.
When I was around the age of 5, I used to tell everyone that I was from Mars. I remember how serious I was about that. Looking back, so many things make so much sense. At the age of 7, I started writing short stories about aliens who lived common lives. A single father with twin daughters who lived on a distant planet, and the adventures that his daughters had amongst magical creatures. A young girl falling in love and getting married, and having children, and her friend was a talking dog named Tandi. They were all aliens.
I was shy and isolated in my youth, but so curious about people. I had a big heart and was very sensitive - much the way I am now. I preferred to be completely alone with nature. I remember being fascinated by animals and bugs and building a trust and compassion with our farm animals that would not approach any of my other family members.
At 11 years old, I taught myself how to type. I typed 111 words per minute. I used my typing skills to transfer my handwritten stories into written stories that I put on 5 1/4" floppy disks lol. I started college at 13 years old, and had only spent a month in 5th grade and a month in 6th grade with no other basic education because my mother wouldn't put me in school. She maintained that I be "home schooled" but never bothered to actually educate me. Everything I learned, I learned on my own, while she told me what I just wasn't good at. I became so good at writing, that at the age of 13, I proofread and typed college level papers for community college and university level classes. I started my own business called "Tamara's Typing Jobs" where I charged $2 per typed page for students. I did this for 10 years.
My mother kept me sheltered and isolated from the world, and I rebelled at 17 - running away from home. This time in my life marked some of the most terrible and trying moments in my life. In my early 20s, I went back to school and was introduced to the Waldorf Education program. I had no money management skills, no guidance, no mentorship, but was introduced to wonderful people that did see something in me. They observed me mostly, the saw how quickly I grasped the concept of the Ether and Esoteric worlds. How eager I was to learn about the natural way that people are meant to learn. I was even referred to a teacher's assistant job making $22,500 per year by one of my teachers, because he told me that he saw how special I was. I lost contact with him over the years, a broken connection that hurts my heart to this day.
I grew up afraid of math because my mother told me that I just would never be good at it. I get Bs in my math classes now, but I believe they would have been As if I had the right encouragement.
I grew up longing for mentorship - the same longing that I have today. Now that I realize I was an Indigo Child and I am now an Indigo Adult, I feel hopeful that I can receive that mentorship now. I tried to find groups for Indigo Adults through Meetup.com, but I haven't been able to find any in my state. They probably just don't advertise there.
Well, I just wanted to talk about what was on my mind. It may or may not have anything to do with my Season 9 ending on Friday. Just some thoughts flowing through my heart.
Love,
Tamara
I blamed my mother for everything that didn't turn out the way it should have. She provided me with no guidance, and refused to talk to me about how I felt. She simply didn't want to deal with me. I blamed her also for not caring as much as I tried to get her to understand that she should have.
I would often think about my childhood and wonder at how different I was before seeing the video on Akiane and her genius in binary painting and poetry. Watching that video changed something inside me, and I immediately knew that I was Indigo. I watched several other videos on Indigo Children, as well as interviews and listened to these children tell my story. I am amazed and facinated, and wish that I could find real people to talk to.
I was walking by 9 months old and was reading by the age of 2. My favorite book at that time was called "Science For You" an elementary school text book that my mother got from a school closing. I read the book over and over again until my oldest brothers hid it from me. They felt I was too attached to it. I was speaking in sentences before I turned a year old. My mom told me once that at 10 months old, I told her clearly "Mommy, don't buy that dress, by this dress, it's pretty" in a department store. Everyone thought I must have been a midget because I was so small and talking. I remember being conscious and aware at 2 years old. I also remember feeling as if I just didn't belong. I felt like I should have been somewhere else. Because of this, I spent most of my time outside alone. I would wake up hours before everyone else, often at 5 am, and go outside alone. I don't remember ever getting in trouble for doing that... a product of my parent's neglectfulness.
When I was around the age of 5, I used to tell everyone that I was from Mars. I remember how serious I was about that. Looking back, so many things make so much sense. At the age of 7, I started writing short stories about aliens who lived common lives. A single father with twin daughters who lived on a distant planet, and the adventures that his daughters had amongst magical creatures. A young girl falling in love and getting married, and having children, and her friend was a talking dog named Tandi. They were all aliens.
I was shy and isolated in my youth, but so curious about people. I had a big heart and was very sensitive - much the way I am now. I preferred to be completely alone with nature. I remember being fascinated by animals and bugs and building a trust and compassion with our farm animals that would not approach any of my other family members.
At 11 years old, I taught myself how to type. I typed 111 words per minute. I used my typing skills to transfer my handwritten stories into written stories that I put on 5 1/4" floppy disks lol. I started college at 13 years old, and had only spent a month in 5th grade and a month in 6th grade with no other basic education because my mother wouldn't put me in school. She maintained that I be "home schooled" but never bothered to actually educate me. Everything I learned, I learned on my own, while she told me what I just wasn't good at. I became so good at writing, that at the age of 13, I proofread and typed college level papers for community college and university level classes. I started my own business called "Tamara's Typing Jobs" where I charged $2 per typed page for students. I did this for 10 years.
My mother kept me sheltered and isolated from the world, and I rebelled at 17 - running away from home. This time in my life marked some of the most terrible and trying moments in my life. In my early 20s, I went back to school and was introduced to the Waldorf Education program. I had no money management skills, no guidance, no mentorship, but was introduced to wonderful people that did see something in me. They observed me mostly, the saw how quickly I grasped the concept of the Ether and Esoteric worlds. How eager I was to learn about the natural way that people are meant to learn. I was even referred to a teacher's assistant job making $22,500 per year by one of my teachers, because he told me that he saw how special I was. I lost contact with him over the years, a broken connection that hurts my heart to this day.
I grew up afraid of math because my mother told me that I just would never be good at it. I get Bs in my math classes now, but I believe they would have been As if I had the right encouragement.
I grew up longing for mentorship - the same longing that I have today. Now that I realize I was an Indigo Child and I am now an Indigo Adult, I feel hopeful that I can receive that mentorship now. I tried to find groups for Indigo Adults through Meetup.com, but I haven't been able to find any in my state. They probably just don't advertise there.
Well, I just wanted to talk about what was on my mind. It may or may not have anything to do with my Season 9 ending on Friday. Just some thoughts flowing through my heart.
Love,
Tamara
Tags: 100, 9, 98, challenge, day, growing, indigo, reality, season, up
Comment
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Comment by Tamara Rasheed on November 26, 2009 at 10:51pm -
That's no problem about Facebook, I am just fine with communicating here. I will send you my email address also when you reply to my message also (I forgot to do it when I was sending you my message a moment ago).
I have resolved in my heart my place with the drawings. I am supposed to create anew, so I will. I agree that it becomes much easier to listen when you get bumped on the head a couple times lol. I was told to read the Sermon on the Mount in the Bible to get a clearer idea of what my position is with the Universe. It says something like "the bird does not wonder where its food will come from, and yet it finds itself fed every day." I was blown away. I realized that I don't have to wonder how my needs will be met because they automatically are without fail because I trust in my ability to attract all of my needs, my comfort, my satisfaction at my desire. I have sense stopped worrying about everything lol.
Talk to you soon!
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Comment by Tamara Rasheed on November 26, 2009 at 9:48pm
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In regards to being stubborn and ignoring certain signs etc., I can't tell you how often the Universe has had to tell me that it is always there for me. Right after something miraculous has happened to me, it's like I would forget or ignore it. =\ I am much more trusting now. I am still learning how to confront all of the difficult sides of myself and stop reflecting them on others. To look at challenges as just a part of this life and move through them. Bending and not breaking. This 100 Day Reality Challenge, living with an open heart, has brought so many things to my attention this season. It has been so truly amazing, and meeting you and understanding that I am Indigo are just the icing on the cake for this season. And just a beginning to so much insight to come. I am truly thrilled about it. I feel like I can write an entire novel about it now.
Love to you!
Tamara
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Comment by Tamara Rasheed on November 26, 2009 at 9:45pm
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That is so true Rachel about the need to go back to humanity. I have been struggling with this so hard this year - the overconsumption and super-consumerism of America is so infectious. It is disgusting to watch and I am understanding why my income has been restricted the way it has - I have been protected from it. I really am grateful for that now, while before it was so hard to see that all my needs were being met without a flow of money into my life. It was really amazing. I talked about a lot of it during my challenges here.
When I receive money, it is supposed to be for a completely different purpose. To serve and not to consume.
My drawings were stolen by people that I thought were my friends whom I let move into a house that I was staying in when I was married. They kept telling me that they never saw my drawings, but they were lying. They went through all of my things and were even wearing my clothes without my permission.
I drew passion, the ether, emotion, and I would draw pictures of Marilyn Manson from his autobiography because I liked that book a lot at that time. I had many different types of drawings, some from classes, some that I copied from magazines like a girl sitting in a corner alone. I remember that one vividly. I was most interested in drawing passionate emotion, rapture, love, things of that type with charcoal and pastels.
I didn't imagine that my talking about those parts of my story would open up into a conversation like this. I would be very interested in adding you as a friend on Facebook if you have a page there. Here is a link to my page: www.Facebook.com/TamaraRasheed
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Comment by Sandra aka mytruestory85 on November 26, 2009 at 4:24pm -
wow, how this conversation has evolved :)
Rachel, Tamara, thanks!! I should try to get back to it. Maybe I am an Indigo but it's strange to admit it. Tamara we have a lot in common, I love Art too, singing too, I am not writing songs but sometimes my poems turn into songs *lol* playing music yes and writing yes :)) hehe You will be able to do all of those things!!! :)))
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Comment by Tamara Rasheed on November 26, 2009 at 2:38pm
- Sandra - I used to draw too, SOOO well. I still have a lot of my old drawings from my early teens (between 13 and 16 years old), and I had a whole portfolio of art that I made in charcoal and pastels, but it was stolen a few years ago. I am going to get back into drawing also, very soon. I have committed myself to enhancing all of the things that I love about my talents. Art, singing, writing songs, writing books, playing piano and guitar, I will be able to do all of those things.
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Comment by Tamara Rasheed on November 26, 2009 at 2:36pm
- I can totally relate to what you're saying Rachel, about needing to find yourself first and figure out who you are before you can help anyone else. I am being pushed into the lives of others, so both of these things have been a process for me - helping others, and understanding who I am. I absolutely believe in both of those things you said - that we all have parts to play, and it really doesn't matter if we're Indigo or not because we all have a purpose. Before I knew the label of being Indigo, I believe I had found part of my calling, but I still felt like I was wandering around oblivion without knowing who I was. Does that make sense? I know that the purpose of being Indigo - at least to some degree - is to assist everyone else in their journeys in some way or another to find their path. That is why my focus is on helping others find their own life's purpose through my experience. It is incredible to talk to you! Are you on Facebook also?
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Comment by Tamara Rasheed on November 26, 2009 at 1:17pm
- Rachel - Oh! I know Jessica through the Project Camelot video, I saw it last week. Wow, I hope she responds to me lol.
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Comment by Tamara Rasheed on November 26, 2009 at 1:14pm
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Sandra, I honestly think you're an Indigo also because of your multi-talents and how you excel at so many things.
Createfate - Yes, since I've become aware of this information, I know SO many Indigos that I don't think have any idea that they are.
Rachel - Wow I am so thrilled! I would love to continue to talk to you. I truly do feel that there is so much more that I need to know. I know that my path involves waking people up to their own life's purpose, and by being of service to human kind. I started my education for a career in Social Work (I have always been gifted at finding resources for people and helping them to connect to things that will make their lives easier to live. I am on a personal path of cleansing my life of consumption and easing into satisfaction, buying meat and produce from small farms that I know I can trust who do not medicate their animals or mutilate their animals. I have A LOT to say in regards to this, so I will send you a message :)
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Comment by createfate on November 26, 2009 at 9:46am - Yes... The Indigo Childrens theory is really fascinating....I recognize them in my classes at school...They are very bright and creative and also very sensitive!!!
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Comment by Sandra aka mytruestory85 on November 26, 2009 at 8:57am
- intresting video, thanks for the link Tamara, the first video reminded me of my childhood, when I used to draw a lot too but my parent's didn't see any use in that and so after going to high school I stopped... I still wondere where I would have been if I had continued to draw =)
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