Growing up Indigo - D98S9

I often look back at my childhood and my teen years and wonder what I should have done to make my life more fulfilling than it was. I seemed to have spent so much of my time not knowing what my purpose was, and not going in any particular direction at all. At the same time, I was so conscious about so many things.

I blamed my mother for everything that didn't turn out the way it should have. She provided me with no guidance, and refused to talk to me about how I felt. She simply didn't want to deal with me. I blamed her also for not caring as much as I tried to get her to understand that she should have.

I would often think about my childhood and wonder at how different I was before seeing the video on Akiane and her genius in binary painting and poetry. Watching that video changed something inside me, and I immediately knew that I was Indigo. I watched several other videos on Indigo Children, as well as interviews and listened to these children tell my story. I am amazed and facinated, and wish that I could find real people to talk to.

I was walking by 9 months old and was reading by the age of 2. My favorite book at that time was called "Science For You" an elementary school text book that my mother got from a school closing. I read the book over and over again until my oldest brothers hid it from me. They felt I was too attached to it. I was speaking in sentences before I turned a year old. My mom told me once that at 10 months old, I told her clearly "Mommy, don't buy that dress, by this dress, it's pretty" in a department store. Everyone thought I must have been a midget because I was so small and talking. I remember being conscious and aware at 2 years old. I also remember feeling as if I just didn't belong. I felt like I should have been somewhere else. Because of this, I spent most of my time outside alone. I would wake up hours before everyone else, often at 5 am, and go outside alone. I don't remember ever getting in trouble for doing that... a product of my parent's neglectfulness.

When I was around the age of 5, I used to tell everyone that I was from Mars. I remember how serious I was about that. Looking back, so many things make so much sense. At the age of 7, I started writing short stories about aliens who lived common lives. A single father with twin daughters who lived on a distant planet, and the adventures that his daughters had amongst magical creatures. A young girl falling in love and getting married, and having children, and her friend was a talking dog named Tandi. They were all aliens.

I was shy and isolated in my youth, but so curious about people. I had a big heart and was very sensitive - much the way I am now. I preferred to be completely alone with nature. I remember being fascinated by animals and bugs and building a trust and compassion with our farm animals that would not approach any of my other family members.

At 11 years old, I taught myself how to type. I typed 111 words per minute. I used my typing skills to transfer my handwritten stories into written stories that I put on 5 1/4" floppy disks lol. I started college at 13 years old, and had only spent a month in 5th grade and a month in 6th grade with no other basic education because my mother wouldn't put me in school. She maintained that I be "home schooled" but never bothered to actually educate me. Everything I learned, I learned on my own, while she told me what I just wasn't good at. I became so good at writing, that at the age of 13, I proofread and typed college level papers for community college and university level classes. I started my own business called "Tamara's Typing Jobs" where I charged $2 per typed page for students. I did this for 10 years.

My mother kept me sheltered and isolated from the world, and I rebelled at 17 - running away from home. This time in my life marked some of the most terrible and trying moments in my life. In my early 20s, I went back to school and was introduced to the Waldorf Education program. I had no money management skills, no guidance, no mentorship, but was introduced to wonderful people that did see something in me. They observed me mostly, the saw how quickly I grasped the concept of the Ether and Esoteric worlds. How eager I was to learn about the natural way that people are meant to learn. I was even referred to a teacher's assistant job making $22,500 per year by one of my teachers, because he told me that he saw how special I was. I lost contact with him over the years, a broken connection that hurts my heart to this day.

I grew up afraid of math because my mother told me that I just would never be good at it. I get Bs in my math classes now, but I believe they would have been As if I had the right encouragement.

I grew up longing for mentorship - the same longing that I have today. Now that I realize I was an Indigo Child and I am now an Indigo Adult, I feel hopeful that I can receive that mentorship now. I tried to find groups for Indigo Adults through Meetup.com, but I haven't been able to find any in my state. They probably just don't advertise there.

Well, I just wanted to talk about what was on my mind. It may or may not have anything to do with my Season 9 ending on Friday. Just some thoughts flowing through my heart.

Love,
Tamara