D2S2- fighting up the stream, letting go and letting it carry me.

Hello Co Creators,

Well its day two season one of the fresh start. I had a bit of a rough day today. There are several things going on at the moment. Part of it is the holidays coming up and shopping, and an article I read today....that article stated taht there was not going to be as many good deals as there were last year, and was harping on how it hurts people who are paycheck to paycheck as well as those not recieving an income at all. I started to panic and freak out about money. As a student- I dont have income, and am perpetualy broke and have been working my a** off for the little bit that Im getting. Chrismas isn't a cheap holiday in my family, and this really bothers me a LOT and THIS right here is the main reason why Im depressed on the holidays. I dont know how students can have that whole mentaility of "I am wealthy" when if youre full time- you essenially spend almost 90% of your time stuyding or in class, and the rest of it goes eating and sleeping. Im not sacrificing my education like everyone else is saying to. Its more important NOW more than EVER to have some kind of four year degree or higher. It scares me and I am going for the full 18 credits in the spring to just FINISH.
Then, I had a bit of an emotional upset by watching videos by a woman whos name I forgot but she gives "dating" advice. It made me think of D and how he made me his lay a way woman. He's still on my FB friends list. We talk now and then. I can tell he's trying to "win" me back through flirtatious comments - oh lord especially yesterday. Im NOT biting right now, and have shot him down a couple of times to be honest (alicia would have laughed).. IF IF IF I decide to take a look at the Application another time for a "re hire" - its gonna be VERY different, and he'll be on thin ice for a LONG time. Im just not not not that accessible anymore.
But yeah, between holiday stress and this going on a little bit- Im dealing with school and the fact finals are about four weeks away and Ive got Moot Court on Tuesday night, as well as a paper to write by tuesday, AND a complaint to draft, and statutes to research. So Im a little tense and stress. I am ready for the "big show" as my professors call court, lol.

Although Im tense and stressed, and feel like situations are a little out of my control- I am reminded by this site and by stuff on you tube that tells me that I actually AM in control of outcomes an situations, and can handle them in any way I choose to handle them. In actuality, I really am in control- all I have to do is stop trying so hard to paddle up the stream and let go of the ores, and I will land where I need to land- always on my feet.
THIS is why its so important for me, to have a season of learning how to *really* let go. Im a champ at letting this stuff go for a couple of hours, but then I'll always manage to fall back in somehow. Im hoping that by the end of the season- I will be strong enough to always be in teh vortex, and always be trusting Source and the universe with all of my heart and intention when it comes to ALL of these things and more.

Goals for the week: Get A Civil Action paper written, finish second complaint and type them up, get laundry and towels put away, Start cleaning the house room by room for thanksgivin, starting with the bathroom and making my bedroom presentable to family. Make healthy dinners all week. Stick to my practices no matter HOW tired i am at night or in the am!! and make as much as I can by the next "pay" with live ops. Oh yeah- and TRUST THAT SOURCE PROVIDES AND STOP STRESSIN' :)


Lots of love and light!